Tag: courage

Do it with grace

Leave a Comment on Do it with grace

I know that we all have a petty bone, and sometimes it seems easier or more fun to let that bad boy rip. What if we did things with grace instead? I think by handling situations, whatever they may be, with grace we can eliminate the folks that handle things in a petty manner. We could literally stop the ugly cycle.

Ask yourself a few questions before you bring out the claws. Fellas I’m talking about you too. They can be cattier than a woman.

The fact is this, friends: none of us are immune to ugly situations… no one is exempt and as I write this I realize that I never want to be. I think it could be a very numbing experience to never have unsavory experiences. They shape and mold you as you move through adulthood. So don’t hide from them, don’t laugh or shrug them off…

This past week had been a rough one, one of the roughest I have had in a while. I could have hidden, run, and been hell on wheels, for a lack of a better term, instead, I took the time to figure out what it is that bothered me so much. I took the time to feel the negative thoughts and feelings to grow and become better.

I guess my purpose for this is to let you know that if you are going through hell, do it with grace. If someone is undeserving of your love, your time, your friendship, or your business, bow down… with grace. Not everything is meant to last, but that doesn’t mean you get to piss it away or disregard the lesson. It molds you, every. single. choice. It molds you.

We do not better ourselves by bringing others down, we become better when we take people for who they are, not who we think they should be. Acceptance is non-existent, sadly. We can’t change anyone but ourselves. So, accept people, reject people, and love people… with grace.

 

 

xoxo-Ky

grace

I hear you

Leave a Comment on I hear you

As I was on the flight back to Denver from being home for one of the most wonderful weeks with my beloved family, I was reading this book, note to self, and it sparked so many ideas and I took to writing in notes on my phone. I wanted to just share my raw writing with you all.

By now you know that I am not fearful when it comes to sharing my thoughts or my feelings. I hope to someday put all of these thoughts and crazy ideas in a book for you all to enjoy… or maybe just for myself. So here we go!

A memoir; Reminiscence: the years of struggle, how you push through, overcome and kick ass on the daily even when you don’t feel like you are going anywhere.

When you stop and look around notice how things have changed, how you have changed. Know that I hear you, I have always heard you. you have had so many years of internal struggles, when you barely felt like a person, a live, breathing, feeling person. the world seemed to move around you… like you were a ghost watching it turn.

I heard you in your time of need when you hit the lowest point of your life at the tender age of 16…when you overdosed because you felt worthless. You felt like no one would care if you even existed in this world. Because for the last few years it had not been kind to you, you tried.. and I heard you. When your mind was quiet you heard a small voice that said “don’t do it… think if him. He needs you, and think of how you need him.”

Scared, I called my then boyfriend who comes over, sticks his hand down my throat and induced a vomit fest for the next few hours. His eyes were on me for the next few days, rightfully so. As a sweet child, I felt like I had nothing to live for. Depression is so real, my friends. To this day I am not even sure what all I took, but I took gobs and gobs of whatever I could find in my house… I’ll say this, the next few days were hell.

I remember feeling ashamed that I had even attempted such acts of self-hate, but in that moment I imagine that it seemed better than going through life feeling as worthless as I did. I hated my self and my life and often wondered “why me?” I felt like a curse,  cloud of darkness that turns everyone bad. At 16 you don’t think straight and your sense of reality is skewed, as you are still a child. (end of the journal entry.)

I don’t want to just leave it at that, but I will say that I value that life experience more and more the older I get. I truly have learned to love and appreciate myself and who I am today, even with my dark past. Judge if you’d like, its easy for those that never stood where I stood. I ask not for sympathy, but for understanding. Share love, be light in someone’s day you honestly never know if people are struggling internally.

I can say that having my brother in my life is the only thing that saved me, he would have been devastated and I couldn’t bare to cause him more hurt. He needed me, and the good Lord knows that I needed him. Hold on, even when you think you can’t. Life changes so rapidly and if you hold your head up and push forward knowing you want a better life, but also seek it actively… you will get there. Hear yourself, love yourself and hold on.

 

Until next time, friends.

 

-ky